Consent, Sex

Practice Loving People You’re Attracted to Unconditionally

One of the greatest positive shifts in my relations with women occurred when I learned to have friendships with women I was attracted to, but who were not attracted to me back. Given that I was constantly attracted to women erotically, and only a fraction felt the same way about me, this shift was as important to make as it was challenging.

It is so easy for a man to remain in a “friendship” of unrequited lust in hopes that he might “get lucky” and “one day” she might see “what a great guy I am.” We men get a lot of cultural reenforcement for these hopes too, as the romantic trope of the guy who “doesn’t stand a chance” but who persists in his valiant efforts to “win her heart” in the face of horrible odds, but ends up “getting the girl” in the end, is the plot line of like 75% of all romantic movies and novels.

But a friendship born of persistence in pursuit of a sexual goal is not real friendship–a friendship with an agenda is a farce. And the attraction ends up coming out anyways, in uncomfortable, unwanted and awkward passes that catch the woman by surprise, make her feel manipulated (as she questions whether it was ever a “real” friendship,) and end up in the man feeling bitter about being rejected and having his desires invalidated yet again in his path towards romance and Eros.

Which–since the traditional Courtship Script has assigned men the role of initiators of romantic and sexual interest and women as the responders–has probably been going on since he mustered up the nerve to walk across the dance floor in the gym at the middle school dance, ask the girl to dance, and get rejected in front of all his classmates. Bitterness and resentment spreads all around, for boys and girls, men and women, and all genders.

Is there a way out? This is an urgent question. Continue Reading

Misc

“Maximize Your Human Capital” – Flash Sale!

I define “human capital” as anything about your or your life that helps you create value for yourself and others.

In around 2 weeks, I will be opening the shopping cart on a 12-week online course I’ve spent the last several months creating–really the last 8 years, if you count all the thinking, research and writing behind it–called:

Maximize Your Human Capital 

Even though the launch is officially starting in a few weeks (and the course a few weeks after that), I woke up today with a thought:

I want to know who my die-hard followers, readers, supporters are. 

For the last 8 years, since The Education of Millionaires came out, and then The Last Safe Investment (co-authored with Bryan Franklin), I’ve been writing, teaching, and sharing hundreds of thousands of words, and hours upon hours of audio and video, much of it free, on topics either directly or indirectly related to human capital.

So today, I want to find out, “Who’s been listening?” Whose received enough value from all I’ve shared over the last 8 years, that you’ll go on a 12-week online educational adventure with me, simply by me offering you a personal invitation to that adventure, right today… Without needing pages and pages of sales copy from me about the course in a few weeks when it officially launches.

That’s why today, I’m offering a 24-hour FLASH SALE for “Maximize Your Human Capital.” Continue Reading

Human Capital, Self-Education and Self-Investment

The Secret of Grounded Confidence

When I say the “secret” of grounded confidence, I mean both that there’s a secret to gaining it (which I’ll be sharing below)… but also, that grounded confidence itself is a secret!

What do I mean?

Well, when you hear the phrase “gain confidence,” what comes to mind?

Maybe you think of some kind of pep-talk, from a mentor, coach, “motivational speaker” or “transformational leader.”

(Those in latter two groups sell expensive seminars where you jump in chairs all weekend, scream in groups, and hear inspiring stories about other people who took the upsell seminar and now live on yachts, etc…)

These forms of “confidence” are like jolts of coffee… good for a few hours, or even days (hey, that’s some strong coffee!) But then the crash comes… and you need the next external fix.

In contrast, grounded confidence is based on:

A back-and-forth dialogue between inner confidence, and improvement in external results.

(The last part–external results–is where the “grounded” part comes in.)

Let me tell you a little story about grounded confidence, and how to gain it.

Continue Reading

Human Capital, Self-Education and Self-Investment

You Are a Contrarian Investment

Most people who haven’t already “made it” are lucky to have a few people who truly have rock-solid, investible faith in them. Maybe their parents (if they’re lucky!) Maybe a few really close friends, or a mentor they’ve been lucky to find.

But in a typical lifespan–before you’ve “made it,” however you define that– the main person who is going to have faith in you is you.

That means, before you’ve reached the level of success you desire in life, investing in yourself is a form of contrarian investing. (Investing that goes against the crowd.) And a form that I think is much more doable, valuable, and safe than contrarian investing in the markets. Continue Reading

Human Capital, Self-Education and Self-Investment

The Dirty Secret of the BS Investment Industry

If you’re wondering how you will provide for you and your family’s financial security in the future, you’ve probably considered saving money in your IRA or 401(k), and investing it in broad mutual funds tracking the US markets. Or you may have already done this.

If so, you’ve probably been lulled in by the personal finance industry’s PR that, “in the long run, the US stock market has gone up 7% per year annualized, after inflation.”

Sounds great, right? 7% per year is a doubling of your assets roughly every ten years. Just stick that money in there, don’t touch it again (“buy and hold,” or “passive investing”) and watch your wealth double every 10 years! (That’s a 12-fold increase over 40 years!)

The problem is, there’s a dirty secret to the investment business–one that the people selling you this BS advice don’t want you to know, because it would put them right out of business. Continue Reading

Human Capital, Self-Education and Self-Investment

The Key to Fool-Proof Investing

The key to fool-proof investing is truly internalizing the implications of the following unsettling fact.

Most people are fools when it comes to evaluating their own talent in many of their own skills. (Including, as we’ll see in a moment, investing.)

Unfortunately, chances are, that includes us.

Studies show that 95% of people believe they are “above-average” drivers. Continue Reading

Human Capital, Self-Education and Self-Investment

What Socrates Knows About Investing That You Don’t Know…

There’s a strong case to be made that the two sentences I’m about to share with you are the most influential in the entire history of Western philosophy.

They were uttered during the trial of Socrates for “corrupting the youth” in Athens, 399 BC–according to the version recounted by his disciple Plato.

According to Plato, Socrates said–while commenting on a negative run-in with a supposedly wise man of Athens:

“Although I do not suppose that either of us knows anything really beautiful and good, I am better off than he is–for he knows nothing, and thinks that he knows. I neither know nor think that I know.”

A basic reformulation of this, is that a fool can become wise, simply by knowing that he’s a fool. For he is then wiser than the most other people, who are also fools, but don’t realize that they are.

What does all of this have to do with investing? Continue Reading