A Manifesto by Michael Ellsberg
You can download the manifesto for free, in PDF form, here. (No email opt-in required.)
Dear Friends,
A year and a half out from my diagnosis of testicular cancer, I’ve been processing what it all means.
I’ve finally come to a place where I am grateful for having had this experience.
Not that I would choose it again—but given that it did happen, I’m grateful for it.
As soon as I came to this awareness, I began reflecting: how is it possible to be grateful for something you would not wish upon yourself or anyone else?
This paradox is at the heart of a new manifesto I’ve written, called “What Does It Mean That Your Life Is Perfect?”
The short reflections in this manifesto—which takes about 8 minutes to read in its entirely—were forged through a year and a half of conscious and unconscious processing, after my diagnosis and surgery for testicular cancer last year.
I found that I didn’t really try to write these words. . . the words just came to me, from some deeper place within me, the source of which I do not know.
Many people who read them told me they were moved by them, and encouraged me to put them together so other people could have the benefit of them. I have done so here.
You can download the manifesto for free, in PDF form, here. (No email opt-in required.)
If you got value from these words, it would mean a lot to me if you let me know how they impacted you. Leave a comment below—I’ll respond to as much of the comments and email as possible, though I may not respond to every one personally.
If you think friends or people in your community or tribe or different email lists would benefit from reading this, please share this with your friends and community via the social media links below and/or by email. You can send them to this page to download it for free.
I plan to be writing a lot more of these manifestos in the coming months and years. Please join my personal list—via the form under my photo towards the top of this page—and be the first to know as soon as the next one is released. (I never give your info to anyone else, and you can remove yourself instantly with one click.)
I can’t wait to hear what you think about it, and to share with you my upcoming new manifestos in the future!
With appreciation,
—Michael Ellsberg
@MichaelEllsberg
Michael, I’m a woman in my 60′s who lost both of my precious children to Cystic Fibrosis – while in their 20′s. Is there any greater tragedy? As I read your description of perfect – for me, your comments come down to this… Your encounter with cancer has brought you to understand… This is LIFE! It is not that throw away phrase so often heard, “That’s life !”. In LIFE there is love, there is loss, there is fear and there is joy. It is all what constitutes this journey called LIFE. We can proceed down the road choosing bitterness, loneliness and all the other negatives when we are slapped in the face with the ugliness of life. OR – we can share our lives – the good and the bad – with others. We can take their help as we need it – we can give them help from the lessons we’ve learned. Is choosing the latter the definition of perfection – or is it the wisdom of understanding – this is LIFE ? Perhaps it is both. My final conclusion and comment, “Make each day the best for you and others.” That is not trite – that is the perfect way to spend a life.
Dear Donna,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss.
Your words are beautiful. You have obviously moved past the bitterness and resent, and taken the gift that your sons were in your life, and started sharing this gift of love with others around you.
A beautiful example.
Thank you.
Michael, congrats on launching this manifesto – it’s a significant piece of work that I expect to spread far and wide.
I love that you sent this out on the day of thanksgiving!
Michael,
Thank you for sharing your heart & life experience. I can relate. I have a daughter who was kidnapped by her father when she was 5 1/2 & was missing for 7 months. We had no idea where she was. We ended up finding her in Canada where I had to appear in a foreign court. I can relate to definitely not choosing what happened but this experience has so impacted my life in a positive way. I look at things differently & know that God will see my through any situation I face. Also, I’m so much stronger than I would have known. I also encourage others who experience trauma in their lives to face it head on – early on, instead of burying the pain. At some point you have to deal with the pain & all else that comes with what happened, but it’s more difficult the longer you wait. I agree with so much of what you said. You wouldn’t choose it, but choose now to gain all you can from it & be better for it. Thanks again, Michael, for sharing!
~Lynn
My, one effect from these comments is that my cancer begins to feel small… I cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing one’s children (@Donna) or having one’s daughter kidnapped (@Lynn).
That people who have experienced such severe traumas have had experiences of growth and heart-expanding—similar to experience of growth I describe in my manifesto– after their extreme loss shows that this is possible for *anyone*. Thank you for your bravery, and for spreading your bravery to others.
One question: and I mean this purely out of curiosity, not as a prescription for what you should or shouldn’t do in your life: have you found a way to forgive the father, in your heart? What has been your relation to him since this event?
Yes, I have forgiven him, although going through it – it was definitely a moment by moment process. I didn’t feel like it, knew I could feel justified in not forgiving, but knew also that it was the right thing. The Bible says that we are to forgive as we’ve been forgiven. There is no relationship with him. We were in court for 5 years & the psychologist said that she believed that he would possibly hurt our daughter if he had her again because he saw her as an object. Thanks for asking a very good question!
I had no idea, Michael, what you’ve been going through and faced with this past year, but thank you for the opportunity to read your words, they are quite simply, beautiful. What I identified with the most were your words about those who seek comfort instead of greatness…so true, and something I keep always in the back of my mind as I forge my way and make a place for myself in this world. Here’s to you!
Dearest Michael, I don’t think I knew you had experienced testicular cancer. So grateful that you found it when you did – you have so much to give the world and we need you here for a long, long time.
Thank you for the beautiful manifesto on the perfection of all. The shift is happening – we no longer have to pretend everything is perfect in the name of “fake it til you make it” when we can take the perspective of perfection as you’ve described it, which is so much more congruent with the reality I and many others are seeking to live.
You are perfect.
Alexis
Dear Mr. Ellsberg,
I agreed with much of what you said in your manifesto. Your message is powerful, and your purpose uplifting. However, I disagreed with parts of it as well.
Since I have no desire to rain on the parade nor offend those who have been deeply moved by your words, I will be as brief and simple in my objections as possible:
1. I do not believe in happiness, comfort, nor safety. Happiness is a falisy that distracts me from my purpose, comfort a temptation I can only barely afford, and safety absolutely non-existent. My purpose is virtuousness. I aim to do that which is right for no other reason than it is right, even in secret and without reward nor renown. In order to be who I ought to be, if I must suffer, if I must be tortured, even if I must die, slow and broken, I will CHOOSE to do so.
2. Your simplistic explanation of spirituality is absolutely appalling. It is not spiritual, it is emotional. Emotions are a significant part of spirituality, but spirituality does not consist of ONLY emotion. Not only that, your understanding of spiritual silence is extremely narrow. It is very possible, and often essential, for silence to be austere, for calm to be determined, and for peace to be grim and severe. Anger, or any other impassionated, focus-detracting emotion, has no place in a spiritual life, and in the life of the heroic warrior. As close only counts in horse-shoes, anger only helps in football. This is the reason the Samurai meditated, the Spartans listened to soothing music before a battle, and why any combat-hardened marine will tell you that rage will just get you killed; if it has no place in war and violence, which is commonly associated with hatred and anger, it has no place in the rest of life either. What you claim to be simplistic is in fact enlightened; you overlook the underlying paradox because of the habit to think in limited Western and contemporary methods.
Other than these two disagreements, I think practically everything else you said is suberb, and even though I disagree on some details, I could very easily be wrong, and in a way I hope I’m wrong. The more lives that can be touched and empowered, the better. Thank you for this manifesto; it is perfect.
Sincerely,
Zach Norstedt
Dear Zach, I stumbled across this blog recently, and I am interested in both Michael’s manifesto and your comments. Please understand, I do not pass myself off as an expert on anything. I consider myself to be an enthusiastic student of life, and I’m very interested in, among other things, history, religion, science, spirituality, philosophy, love, utopian communities, the nature of consciousness and quite a few other things.
A number of years ago, I decided I want to do research on what love was all about, so I started taking another look at the teachings of Jesus, Buddha, Confucious and quite a few others. I also joined a number of sites dedicated to such things as Christianity, atheism, spirituality, lifestyles and so on because I was interested in knowing how people justify and explain their viewpoints, beliefs, opinions, etc.
I consider my research to be ongoing, a work in progress.
Basically, I want to address some of what you said about happiness and comfort. For starters, there is nothing wrong with being happy and/or comfortable. In fact, those are pretty cool things to have in your life. What’s also true is that if you do the right, virtuous and honorable thing, you will find that it will make you much happier than being angry and mean-spirited.
Yes, there is suffering in the world, but some of us find ways to be happy anyway. That doesn’t mean that we are compelled to cast a blind eye to the plight of our fellow human beings or act like mindless pollyannas. The way it really is is that those people who love themselves and are happy with their lives are much more likely to love and be kind to others.
OK, enough for now. Aloha
PS: Being angry doesn’t even help in football, although I know there are those who think that anger gives you some sort of advantage.
Dear Michael:
I was shocked to hear that you had been living with cancer for over a year. Your warmth, passion, and willingness to share your insider tips about writing and publishing was a Top 10 interview, of the hundreds that I’ve done.
Thank you for sharing your Manifesto; it stopped me in my tracks and reorganized my priorities for the day, and my attitude for the upcoming week.
I will be rereading it and sharing it with family and friends. Be well. Roger
Thank you for writing this. It’s a beautiful articulation of the principles that have changed my life this year.
I feel that you and I share alot of the same view points.I too have had a mass amount of obstacles thrown out into the road in front of me. I too have fallen and acquired a mass amount of road rash in my 34 years of life.The most recent wrench thrown into my spokes is that I have only worked about three months out of the last two years. If this has done anything for me it has humbled me and shown me to appreciate the small things. Most people would have gone mad by now if put in my position. Where I have learned not to stress about things that are out of my control( which I have learned is a wide array of things) and just learn to love being alive.Like you said most people fail to see the perfection in things when that thing is a negative thing. I find myself to be a generally happy person that doesn’t stress much and that is a perfect gift from life and its lessons. Thanks for sharing
Hi Joe—it sounds like you have found some wonderful perspective on the challenges you face as you seek employment.
In the nature of the paradox I write about in the manifesto, I wonder if you can adopt more of a dual perspective on the unemployment?
Yes, in a certain sense, things are out of our control—but in another sense, we have a lot of control over them. I wonder if adopting *purely* the perspective that this bout of unemployment is out of your control is perhaps contributing to it continuing?
I don’t think it’s necessary to swing all the way to the other side, the way the people from “The Secret” do, saying *everything* is under your control. But I think adopting a paradoxical perspective that certain things are both subject to a great deal of our influence, while also being beyond our total influence, feels more empowering to me than purely assuming we have no control over our states.
Michael, you have motivated me to realize that I do have some imperfections in my life right now that I need to accept and address. I read this twice now, and I really understand your perspective. I tried to just ignore that my problems could be fixed, and that I could live a fuller life, helping others in an area that has been strenghened by my challenges. I do agree with Zach that happiness is not a goal for me, because my journey continues, and at any moment I can relish the perfection that is.
I love how many people are telling me they’ve read it twice! I think it is a very concentrated dose–I cut out all extraneous verbiage. So I like that it packs a punch and people are finding it valuable to go back and re-read to take it all in. Thank you!
Michael,
So very glad our mutual friend shared this with me. To me, it is a well written summary and reminder of many of the divine lessons in my life. You did an excellent job of getting to the point, all very significant points. Thank you!
Wishing you love and peace as you live the paradox.
This was a fantastic read. Very well explained. Thanks for the impact.
I’ve just shared it through my networks…
There are a lot of things I want to say about this beautiful work. But I’m at “Your Life is Perfect, Not Other People’s Lives” and there’s a part here that made me tear up and I HAD to stop and say something right now before I forget.
“Likewise, perfection just is, if you choose to feel it. (You don’t have to. You can choose to view your life as shitty, full of misfortune, and view yourself as the victim of circumstance, if you want. Fine. Go ahead. I’ll be right here, waiting to welcome you back to happiness and inner peace once you see that’s a dead end and snap out of it.)”
And in the above post you said “I found that I didn’t really try to write these words. . . the words just came to me, from some deeper place within me, the source of which I do not know.”
This is proof for me (and probably ONLY me) that the words you wrote, were in fact from that which can be named God. My definition doesn’t really match mainstream religion, but I don’t care. It’s mine.
The part where you say we can choose to live our life as shitty and that’s okay, you’ll be waiting to welcome us back to happiness when we get to sick of our current condition, that is EXACTLY something I believe God would say and in fact, probably did say, through you
God, I know I sound crazy. But I believe God is all of us, even if we’re not conscious of it, hidden inside us. And when we are lost and we ask for help, “God” answers through inspiration and coincidences.
My mother died when I was 21 and I would never, ever say if I could relive my life, I wouldn’t change this part of my past. I even sometimes wish I could go back and change it. But I know what you say when sometimes, how these types of things can change you for the better.
Before mom died, I was depressed, suicidal and insecure. Then she died. And something snapped in my brain. I just realize this path of negativity was getting me nowhere. I was sick of it. Just like that, I started to change.
I was never into spirituality, but the death of my mother made me wonder, “Where did she go?” This simple question change my entire life.
I read a book, “Conversations with God” and that’s pretty much the definition of God I use here. Not simply because I read something and figured since it was published and written, it has to be true. I “felt” its truth, just as I feel the truth in your own words. It’s like I Know this is very important and that I should pay attention.
Now, I’m more at peace than I ever have been. I have no hate towards anyone. I love my life. And though I no longer wonder or fear what will happen after I die, I don’t want to die yet.
Would I be like this if my mother hadn’t died? Would I have reached this level of growth on my own if I have lived a “happier” life? I don’t think so.
I’m going to continue to read now. I am even writing down some of your words! That’s how much they moved me! Because even despite how much I’ve grown, lately I’ve been struggling with taking the next step in my growth.
I still fear rejection (a.k.a. the other “death”). And I’ve been seeking inwardly for help. And I came across your link in Twitter. Just as I click to read the file, the right song that matched the feeling of your words, and the feeling I am feeling came on on my iPod. And as I read, I came very very very aware, that this was my request being answered by “God” (another reason I believe in my particular definition: I actually experience proof of it that I cannot refute).
I just wanted to share my experiences and express my gratitude for your manifesto. *bows* Thank you so much. Please know that these words moved me greatly and I haven’t even finish reading yet!
Reading through, I was thinking…wow, this guy sounds very Tantric. Then the reference to Deida at the end, well of course! :-) Found you through the 4-hour workweek blog, and also am a fan of your Dad.
I enjoyed the distilled quality of the writing, almost like a collection of aphorisms. Had to substitute the world “whole” for “perfect” b/c of the word’s being co-opted by bliss ninnies (it still works). I’ve nearly thrown plates at well-meaning friends describing my Mom’s struggle with brain cancer as “perfect.”
Very powerful and meaningful to me, something I really needed to hear, thank you. Usually I ignore manifestos from anyone under fifty, but I’ll make an exception here. Sending all best wishes to you on your hero’s journey. Your hard-won heart and power is showing. And what you said re: your girlfriend…sweet!
Hi Carol! Hey, I’m happy you decided to check out the work of someone under 50! :-)
Thanks so much for your kind words.
I can totally relate to that “wanting to throw dishes at someone” feeling… It can be extremely shocking and aggravating when *someone else* tries to foist this whole perfection gambit onto our personal difficulties.
That’s why I go to great lengths in the piece to talk about how it’s really only a choice you can make about your own life, a lens by which to see your own life–and it’s none of our business to tell other people they need to view their life one way or another. People need to make that decision on their own.
Thank you for writing!
Wow! Thank you for writing this manifesto. I was recently dumped by my girlfriend and have been trying to figure out what happened and pick up the pieces of my broken heart. I have gone through sadness, rage, disbelief and other emotions as i deal with the breakup. Over and over I think about what happened and why and I always come back with the same question: What was the point? I invested so much love and care into the relationship, I gave all the love I had and for what? To be thrown out? From reading your manifesto, I figured out that the point of the experience was to discover my capacity to love and value someone. As I look back I can see that I loved, I opened my heart and my life to someone that was not willing to do the same for me. Through the pain and anger I realized that the experience was perfect because I now know that I can love, but I also know that a much better, richer, more loving relationship is out there, with someone who will not only appreciate the love I provide, but also will want to love me in return. Being dumped was the best possible experience I could have asked for. Thank you very much.
Dear Michael,
Thank you for much for writing this amazing piece. You and I speak the same language, but you are more eloquent with words!
Ive already forwarded this to dozens of friends who are dealing with tragedy or in a rut. I’m totally convinced that this is the key to living an amazing, and fulfilling life!
R.
Michael, I was very moved by what I read. I had cancer five years ago, and I found the experience was an opening in my life, and that I am grateful for the experience. I found a willingness to engage life that I like. On the other hand, I find that I have been protecting myself from feeling vulnerable, holding people at arm’ s length a bit. The acceptance in what you wrote is helpful to me, seeing that I can be more open in the present, and accept all of it. What you wrote was an unexpected gift.
@Alyana–thank you for writing… I’m SO glad it was helpful! Comments and experiences like this make the whole writing enterprise worthwhile!
Thanks Michael for your wisdom and sharing such profound insight of what it means to have a perfect life. Blessings to you. Regards, Nahid
Here’s a perfectly synthesized and intimate account of – well, life – in a nutshell.
Shit happens. It’s how we deal with it that makes or breaks us.
Michael bravo!
I loved it and will share with others.
Kat
2010 was a rough year for me. First, my girlfriend and best friend of 6 years dumped me and asked that I avoid contacting her indefinitely. Then my mom, after 28 years of marriage, filed divorce from my father who, in the midst of job problems and foreclosure, after 14 years of sobriety, has since returned to drinking. To top it off I had to take a leave of absence from my senior year of university due to a $150 bill, wrongly in my name and sent to collections, preventing me from obtaining my much needed student loans. I am 22 years old.
Bitter, cynical and mad at the world I have spent the last few months struggling with depression and a general feeling of hopelessness, helplessness, and apathy. This piece couldn’t have come at a better time.
Thank you so much Michael for your work and your passionate desire to help others. Life really is beautiful for the joys as much as the pains. You have reminded me that life is what you make of it and helped me to take time to put things into perspective so that I can continue to grow. While I acknowledge that things will still be hard I am much less anxious because we really are in control of our lives so long as we are in control of perspective. I will continue to share your work with those I love, can’t wait for your next piece.
A inspiring message, beautifully written. Thanks for putting this out there.
Dear Michael, I was fascinated to stumble across your book about perfection. Back about 1972, I met a man who had formulated a philosophy based on the idea that all people, things, experiences, etc. are perfect, and he formed a community based on that concept. One of the things he said was “The concept of perfection includes the potential for change.” I have been involved with that community for close to 40 years. I am working on a novel that’s the story of a young, Holden Caulfield-like man who goes to Cal (my alma mater…Go Bears!) and learns about life, love, perfection and a lot of other things as part of his spiritual journey. I live in Hawaii and don’t travel much, but if you’d like to talk more about perfection, I’d be delighted to do that. I wish you well! Aloha, Bob
Thank you Michael for both this Manifesto and your book, “The Power of Eye Contact.” I’m relatively young–21–and this past fall I experienced a break-up at college. While searching for a book called “Wherever You Go, There You Are” by Jon Kabat-Zinn, I saw yours (How could I miss the “EYE”?). Anyway I’ve been reading it on and off since then and its made me a much more spiritual and happier person–I look forward to making eye contact with others everyday now. I’ve begun valuing what I have, rather than wanting more in my life. This Manifesto tops it off–I liked the metaphor of the author-hero you created–definitely something for me to keep in mind throughout my twenties. Again, thanks for your writing, I look forward to your next piece.
–Nolan
Michael,
Brilliant, powerful, and insightful. Thank you for writing this, for sharing your passion and perspective, and for being YOU! I got a lot out of reading this and it reminded me of the power of perspective, the importance of FEELING all of my feelings, and that living with passion and purpose doesn’t have to be hard, but isn’t supposed to be easy. Thank you!
Blessings,
Mike
I love the message – very inspiring. Sometimes I forget that challenges can create tremendous opportunities if you’re open to it. Thanks for the wonderfully written reminder…
Hi Michael. Very thoughtful manifesto. My favourite quotes:-
“Is there something you’d be willing to die broke to have accomplished?”
“The enemy of love is not rage, it is indifference and apathy.”
“You want to overcome your challenges, to live a better life. But without your challenges, you’d be a much poorer person, living a much poorer life.”
Perfect. Off to face the challenges of life. Thank you.
Phil
Apparently your Manifesto (in PDF form), which i tried to open by clicking above, is ‘broken’ and cannot be repaired.
I hope you can fix it.
Thanks,
Nique
You’ve given me much about which to think. I’ll let you know later what develops due to this new insight.
Michael, thank you for sharing this with us. I really needed to hear this today. I am 61, a widow, cancer survivor, and recently became unemployed for the second time in seventeen months. My savings are gone, and I’m now considering bankruptcy. I have tried to stay positive, but today has been the most bleak for me… until I read your manifesto this afternoon. I now have a new perspective, and greater courage to face what is ahead for me. Thank you so much!
Susan
Thank you for the inspiration! It definitely opened my eyes to my “perfections”. I am lucky in the way that I never think “what would life have been” as I always followed your thoughts “with what have I learned” and I have learned a lot and am sure that the is still more to learn ;)
Michael, This book is very inspirational and I’m going to give it to every new cancer patient that I have to read before we go through their customized cancer program. I love how you’ve helped to reframe the issues that many of us face today as being “perfect” if we so choose. The lens of gratitude is a very powerful perspective to have. Thanks for giving back to mankind the way that you are. People have taken over $100,000.00 from me that I would consider my best friends. Another Doctor took advantage of my service centered spirit and promised me things that he never came through on. But I’ve learned through all of these experiences. I’ve learned a ton about contracts and who your true friends are. I’ve also had the opportunity to share my experiences with other young doctors (like myself) that have been saved from people taking advantage of them. :) Now I help people turn their “situations” into victories! People are overcoming disease and preventing disease in the first place! As I said in my email, let me know how I can help you in any way. Thanks for this book!!!
Thank You. It’s Perfect
I am empowered buy your strength, bravery and unselfishness. Thank you for your willingness to share.
Michael,
This manifesto is, well, perfect.
Thanks so much for sharing it!
Gil
http://www.natlogic.com
That was deep. I rarely read things twice in one sitting.
The best advice anyone ever gave me was “You gotta be the hero of your own story.” (or the star of your own movie)
I found a similar vibe from reading your work. Inspiring, paradigm changing.
With this and the Tucker Max piece, I see a height of honesty/openness/authenticity that I hope one day I will be able to achieve, even if only for a short time.
Beautiful, Michael. Had no idea you went through this. Your openness to the experience, to what you learned and to what you’re sharing…made it perfect.
Michael, I like this quite a bit. The usual narrative we tell ourselves about our life includes all sorts of choices we make–to take this or that action, or to focus on one thing or the other. But our sense of agency is…not stable under inquiry. And another way to look at it that makes as much sense is: in every moment we have one choice–to open or to close.
And here you’ve written an ode to opening. Here are some of the words that drive it home for me:
Pain is not suffering. We talk about it as though it is, but everyone knows it’s not. Do you like spicy food, or deep massage, or the pain from a good workout? What about reading a sad book? Pain is an attention signal–”hey, look over here!”, and suffering is created by resisting it. Reality is not vague, and it will never go away just because we stop looking at it. We can try to censor our own experience, but we can’t even fool ourselves. Notice what happens the next time you’re suffering. What are you resisting, and how big have you let it grow by trying to push it away? When there’s something I’m trying not to look at, it will begin to overwhelm my sensorium and make me think that *I am it*. Observe your sense of being. Accept the attention signals. Look directly into the pain.