Persuasive Arts

This guy turned a piece of trash into $100,000…

In 2005, Kyle MacDonald was a 25-year-old unemployed guy in Montreal, being supported by his girlfriend, a dietician. She was close to ending things with him, because she was so tired of him mooching off her for rent and other expenses. He had to think of something fast. He applied for a few more jobs (again), and heard nothing (again.)

What he really wanted was to own a home, free and clear, so that he and his girlfriend could live there, without worrying about paying rent or getting kicked out.

But, as a guy who was barely making ends meet, working itinerant gigs promoting products at trade shows, that seemed a far-off dream.

Pondering what he should do, he remembered a game he played as a kid, called “Bigger, Better,” where you trade a small, common object, for something else better, and trade that for something else, and on and on, and see what you can get. He remembered some kid in his town started with a penny one day, and ended up with a couch by the end of the day.

In a spark of genius, or madness–is there a difference?–he decided he would try to realize his dream of getting a house. By playing the game. “I would become the greatest Bigger, Better player the world had ever seen, bar none,” he wrote of his plan. Continue Reading

Persuasive Arts

Copywriting by Michael Ellsberg

I’ve been freelance copywriting for 15 years, and last year, I discovered a secret for massively increasing the productivity of writing for clients, getting them even better results, much faster.

It’s so simple, I can’t believe I didn’t think about it before.

Instead of writing a draft solo (after interviewing the client on what they want), then submitting it for feedback, and then going over the feedback with the client over the phone, then revising it, etc. etc….

I get you on the phone, share a fresh Google doc with you, ask you a bunch of questions about what you want, and start writing it with you right there on the phone. You see what I’m writing word-for-word as I type it, and we incorporate your feedback and input together in the moment. Continue Reading

Sex Work

Sex Educator Ruwan Meepagala Censored From YouTube for Sex Ed Videos–Welcome to the New FOSTA/SESTA World

My friend Ruwan Meepagala just got a lifetime ban from YouTube for creating and sharing sex education videos–no nudity, just sex ed, including videos about consent.

This is the new reality we live in, post-FOSTA/SESTA. Internet platforms simply caved in to the demands of right-wing Christian moralists, who are on a “moral hygiene” crusade to kick anything having to do with sex off the Internet, while dressing it up as a crusade against trafficking. (Unfortunately aided and abetted by an anti-sex-worker wing of feminism–not all feminism, but that particular, moralistic/Victorian wing, who want to shut adult, consenting sex workers down: and who are now winning in high places through Senator Kamala Harris, who was one of the main backers of FOSTA.)

Yes, human trafficking is a serious problem–in many industries, especially in agricultural labor, which is the locus of a massive amount of the trafficking in the world. (Nobody is calling for the shutting down and criminalization of adult, consenting farm workers because some people in their field are subjected to horrendous trafficking.) No, FOSTA was not a good solution to trafficking and is actually making the problem much worse in lots of documented ways. But it wasn’t about trafficking–it was about sex-negativism.) Continue Reading

Sex Work

Fundraiser for the Sex Workers Outreach Project (SWOP)

This year for my birthday, instead of the typical slew of “happy birthday!”s on my Facebook, I would rather raise funds for an urgent cause I care about. I know this isn’t the lightest “birthday fare”–but if you follow my writing, please listen to what I’m about to say, because with FOSTA just signed into law, we are in red-alert zone on fundamental civil liberties we all take for granted on the Internet, which are now being systematically dismantled by both sides of the aisle.

Here is one tweet that summarizes the situation we’re now in with FOSTA, which is leading to almost every Internet platform (including FB) kicking off almost everything that has to do with sex: “Sex workers are just the test run for how many of your rights to exist in digital public space can be quietly revoked due to legislative concern trolling and the US government is getting away with it because they chose a target that can be cloaked by moralistic handwringing.”

I know this is a challenging issue to begin engaging with, because there’s so much controversy around it, but if you care about an open and free Internet, this issue is absolutely on the front-lines, because the powers-that-be are using this issue as a wedge to begin systematically dismantling our civil liberties on the Net. Continue Reading

Sex Work

CA is About to Pass a Law Criminalizing Speech That Encourages Sex Work: An Open Letter Opposing SB 1204

[If you’re a CA citizen reading this, and you’re outraged by what you read, please contact any/all of the CA State Senators listed at the bottom of this Open Letter before 9AM, Tues 4/24 and explain to they why you oppose SB 1204. You don’t need to be their constituent to contact them, though if you’re a constituent of one of them, let them know that when you call.]

Summary: California is about to pass a bill that severely criminalizes all speech that “encourages” sex work. This is a brazen encroachment on the First Amendment right to freedom of speech, and all citizens should rally against it, no matter what their opinions are on sex work. If this bill passes, as an author who cherishes my First Amendment rights, I will openly break the law with my speech, in an act of principled noncooperation with a clearly unconstitutional law—risking jail time of necessary—and will not stop breaking it until the law is overturned for the unconstitutional mess that it is. 

Dear Members of the California Senate Committee on Public Safety (including Nancy Skinner, Joel Anderson, Steven Bradford, Hannah-Beth Jackson, Holly Mitchell, Jeff Stone, and Scott Weiner),

I am writing to you as an author or co-author of three published books, and a life-long resident of Kensington, CA, in the district represented by your chair Nancy Skinner. As an author, I take legislative threats to free speech very seriously, and I am writing to express my strong opposition to Senate Bill 1204, on free speech grounds.

SB 1204 radically re-defines the long-standing definition of “pandering,” which has historically been conceived as providing financial inducement to someone to begin engaging in prostitution. The new definition, under SB 1204, will expand the felony to include any “encouragement” whatsoever towards engaging in prostitution, even if that “encouragement” takes place only in words and opinions, with no financial inducement.

This is an obvious violation of my First Amendment right to express my opinion as to whether a person should become a sex worker or not. Continue Reading

Sex Work

Stop FOSTA-SESTA! Sex Worker Rights are Human Rights

This week [3/21/18], the Senate will vote on legislation that would effectively force many Internet companies—including web hosts, classified sites, and social media platforms—to ban consenting adults from advertising or promoting any sex-related services whatsoever. The law would very likely lead to a ban on advertisements for perfectly-legal adult services such as stripping, adult modeling and performing, and BDSM services (which are legal insofar as they don’t not involve genital contact.) The ban would also extend to adults advertising illegal but victimless services, such as the non-coerced exchange of sex for money between fully-consenting adults. It may even lead to censorship of consenting adults talking about these practices with each other–including discussion of how to reduce harm associated with these practices–on the Internet. And among all this, to the degree that pimps and traffickers advertise trafficked victims online, it would prevent those ads as well.

This last category—which we can all agree is a truly vile phenomenon, which must be stopped one way or another—is the putative reason for the bill. Like the “USA PATRIOT Act,” it has one of those politically-charged names that makes it damn hard to oppose, or even question, without seeming evil. The act is entitled the “Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act” (SESTA, which is the Senate version of the House’s similar FOSTA bill.) Could anyone oppose the USA PATRIOT Act, and still be a considered a patriot of the USA? (The answer is “Yes.”) And could anyone oppose the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act, while still being opposed to sex trafficking?

The answer to that question is also “Yes.” Not only could you be opposed to FOSTA-SESTA without being evil, but you should be opposed to it, as the law is breathtakingly destructive—including destructive of the very aims it purports to address. The remainder of this piece will be aimed at persuading you of why this is so, and why you should call both your senators today and leave them messages in opposition to the bill, urgently, before they vote tomorrow. Continue Reading

Consent

The Consent Pledge

The Consent Pledge
(for men who have sex with women)

I’m a man, and by signing here, I am publicly making this “Consent Pledge” going forward:

I commit to making sure all my sexual encounters are fully consensual. I commit to getting a clear verbal or non-verbal “yes” from my sexual partner(s) before sexual escalation. I commit to not pressuring her to say “yes,” to stop if she says “no,” and to ask if I’m unsure. I commit to stopping if–in my most honest assessment–I don’t believe that she is sober enough to give full consent.

Guys–sign the Consent Pledge here. Continue Reading

Consent

Beyond the Courtship Script: “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” and the Ironies of Contemporary Sexual Morality

(Screen shot from the first film interpretation of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” in “Neptune’s Daughter,” 1949)

The “Courtship Script” is a set of assumptions–with a long history and widespread social acceptance–about how heterosexual men and women go from being strangers, to lovers and/or long-term romantic partners.

In its most basic and caricatured form, the Courtship Script goes something like this: Boy meets girl. Boy desires girl. Boy chases girl. Girl may or may not desire boy back, but either way, she rejects his advances, and “plays hard to get.” Boy persists in hot pursuit, in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. Eventually, girl gives in to his devotion, submits to his penetrating desire, and surrenders to the love/sex she actually wanted all along.

There’s no question that many men and women find some version of this basic Script “hot” and “romantic.” There’s also no question that it flies in the face of the new standards of consent—sometimes called “yes means yes” or “affirmative consent”—that are fast becoming consensus on the liberal side of the political spectrum.

What happens when a newly-evolving standard of consent flatly contradicts widely-held notions of romance and eroticism? Do we de-prioritize romance, sexual tension, seduction and eroticism (which I refer to loosely as “Eros”) in the name of safety? Or do we develop new notions of Eros that fit with our evolving standards of emotionally-safe, non-coercive sex? And what do we do about the fact that, for thousands of years, it was precisely the unsafety of Eros–its adventure, forbidden temptation, wildness, unpredictability, tension, and transgression–that made it so damn hot?

I don’t believe there are easy answers to any of these questions. I do believe, however, it’s crucial that we start discussing them more widely.

***

There is perhaps no better entryway to understanding the Courtship Script, and the problems with it from a consent perspective, than by examining the annual controversy that occurs—right around this time of year—over the holiday classic “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” written by Frank Loesser in 1944. Continue Reading

Personal

“I Have a Great Guy for You…”

I was telling my girlfriend (7 happy months together now!) about how, when I was single and seeking in the spring, I called at least a dozen of my close female friends, told them I wanted to date seriously, and requested to be set up on blind dates with any of their girlfriends they thought would be a good match.

“Um yeah, I’ll think about that,” my friends replied. All these calls netted zero set-ups. At the time, I was a bit disappointed, and wondered why.

My girlfriend, who happens to be a professional matchmaker (!), said, very diplomatically, “Well, if you had come to me for matchmaking, you would have been an… um… interesting…. man to try to match.”

I said, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Then I imagined what my female friends would have had to say to their girlfriends, truthfully, if they were going to set me up: Continue Reading

Self-Education and Self-Investment

The Story of the $100 Million Urinal

The most valuable urinal the world has ever known was created in New York City in 1917.

It had no diamonds in it, nor any precious stones at all. It was not made of gold or platinum, but of porcelain, just like every other urinal. In fact, in every respect, it was just like every other urinal, into which the common men of the time were relieving themselves in the public bathrooms around the world.

In 1917, an artist calling himself R. Mutt signed his name to such a urinal—said to be a Bedfordshire model bought at a foundry showroom on Fifth Avenue—and submitted it to an exhibition organized by the Society of Independent Artists, paying their $6 fee. Even though it was a nonjuried exhibit, open to anyone who paid the fee, the Society’s board took the extraordinary step of exercising jury powers. They turned down Mr. Mutt’s submission as not being art and returned the urinal to him with a rejection slip. Continue Reading