Your Fear of Friendlessness (It’s Controlling Your Life More Than You Realize)

Comments

  1. Stanley Lee says:

    Michael,

    Dig your Youtube trials. Is your shirt choice intentional? I think you may look better if you dress up a bit (perceived authoritative figure).

    Best,

    Stanley

  2. Linda says:

    Wow. You’ve nailed one of my main dilemmas. Thank you! Lots to think about, and
    digest. Makes me want to have more live and in-person dinners with people, you know… face to face!

    Best,
    Linda

  3. Kiki Corbin says:

    Hi, Michael. I love your honesty. Yes, technology can take up the whole day if you let it. I like turning everything off for appointments with life… sleeping, cooking, eating, partying, writing, playing with kids, etc.
    Ashok Gupta (UK) teaches NLP techniques to quiet the mental patterns that clutter up our minds. I have been working with his DVD system since November and have had huge breakthroughs in clarity. It could be applied to the fear of friendlessness. He calls it Amygdala training. That doesn’t happen to be my underlying fear. For myself, I had a program that said “There isn’t enough time.” It was relentless. It has now melted away and those persistent thoughts no longer hound me.

  4. Dan Donohue says:

    Michael
    You seem to be beginning a recurring theme between this and your manifesto – being left out on the savannah as the tribe moves on!! Hopefully not a past life regression-memory! I think the real issue is not fear of friendlessness, but your OTHER recurring theme – authoring your own life. You seem to be talking about “fear of missing out on staying on the cutting edge, and friends no longer considering you relevant”.
    Technology has multiplied sensory input that needs to be filtered. from radio to TV to billboards to FB to Tweets and Google Adwords, all vying for attention, with many trying to sell us something. I think your fear is worry about being able to filter the important (is there a lion behind that bush that I’m not seeing).
    The answer, I think, remains in continuing to confidently author your life…being perfect! Receiving multiple messages is a measure of whether your intrinsic message is connecting with people.
    It’s like forwarding jokes. Do you expect an acknowledgement that the forwardees received it or got the joke? Or is it enough that you desired to be of service to them to share a smile?
    In the perfect life you aspire to, you will be aware of what you need via serendipity. If you are ‘on purpose’ what you need will filter through, no?
    Some things maybe just require an autoresponder, while your smaller circle of TRUSTED contacts email a different address. Much of internet input is NOT communication, because it isn’t “CO-”munication. It’s one way, idelly each one a fulfillment of the sender’s own perfection.
    Good food for thought..solving it completely will enhance the Google experience to making the internet a hot-wired extension of our brains. Maybe we have to have identify personal INCOMING reverse-search keywords based on concepts we consider relevant or desirable, and worthy of further live consideration and subsequent co-mmunication. We could do a startup and call it ELGOOG!

  5. Richard says:

    Wow, thanks for your insightfulness – perhaps it’s endemic of our internet age to feel the urge to respond to others for fear of appearing snobby or too busy…I think applying a bit of selective ignorance (ala Tim Ferriss credit) helps in funnelling all the info that comes our way.

  6. Flora says:

    Yes! Keep going in this direction! Yes! I do not get too many emails. Everyone knows, I don’t email much. I have a very simple phone and I text people when I AM meeting them in the park for a walk. We need face time together for love, not time with screens between us!!! And we need good activities in life, not just love!
    Here is a true story. There once was an uncontacted tribe that discovered the city. They wanted to know more. One brave member decided to go to the city and learn the language there so he could then become an ambassador between his people and these fast moving city folks.
    He was to go for six months and then return (it was spring and he was to go until the cold winds began…) He came back only about a month later and promptly hid in his hut and would not come out for weeks. When he finally came out, they all gathered around to hear his words and he said only this: “White people talk too much!”

  7. Ali Davies says:

    Great point. A reminder that the focus should be on quality of relationships not quantity.
    There is a need to refocus on “meaningful” connections not just lots of connections. To do that we need to put in strong boundaries around the way we behave.

  8. avdhoot says:

    Hi michael
    I love your blog at forbes and I enjoyed your book very much. I might be in minority but I really do not enjoy youtube webcasts (they seem like monologues and makes me wanna turn off) Even the TED videos I usually end up forwarding unless the speaker id highly animated either I find myself processing the transcripts more faster.
    I know youtube videos might be easier to create but they will also get you more passive audience as opposed to a live blog which might have lesser views but more from a higher quality engaged audience.
    By no ways I am putting down your new found passion just thought I had let you know how I felt.

    P.S I am a music marketer myself and use youtube extensively to market music videos but still I am very bullish on the written word. Some of my videos are in my links.

  9. Lydia says:

    Hi Michael!
    I like this video too. I totally get what you mean by the arrival of the digital age and this constant need to check facebook or twitter or email.
    I’m not so sure that it comes from some tribal need to respond to things. I see it as more an addiction that is starting to replace face to face meetings.
    I often find that when people are socialising, there could be seven people on a table, and at least one person is flicking their iphone checking an update, or all seven people on their iphone playing games with each other, when they are sitting directly opposite each other!
    I also find that people use facebook to brag about things/insecurity that drives them to pimp up their profile with photos and comments. It’s a new kind of insecurity I guess.
    On the whole, interesting video and great food for thought!
    Cheers from Australia,
    Lydia

  10. Tyler Wood says:

    Hello Michael,

    Good point here. This article is related to what you are talking about – http://news.yahoo.com/90-days-without-cell-phone-email-social-media-015300257.html – This man totally disconnected from his phone, email, text, etc for 90 days. There’s something to be said for that.

    Along the same lines, the business world has totally changed. People expect to hear back immediately on everything. If you are in the customer service business, which is pretty much everyone in sales, this can wreak havoc on any sense of a “day off” or being disconnected. I wonder how this friendlessness relates to that aspect? While they are not exactly the same, there is a similar “fear” of not getting back to the client in a timely manner that hangs over each situation.

    Quick note on the videos, I’ve been doing videos for 2-3 years now. Clients love them. Puts a face to the words, and I think people connect more to it. That’s been my experience. I would try to keep them to the point, less than 3-4 minutes, as most people cannot hang on that much longer.

    Thanks, Tyler